poetry

yur intelect is breathe taking and yu body is a temple, sometimes im afraid your to amazing for someone like me thats so simple
yur essence is amazing and yur scent is alluring, yur body is calling and now my soul is imploring the possibilities of our entities exploring, venturing into an enchanted exchange of two hearts beating as one...(:

wknd

tired of running

These love songs get me and I feel like ahh I want love but as soon as a guy gets close to me I push him away or I can’t image us being together or my personal favorite: “I’m not ready for a relationship but let’s see where this goes.” That is my line of choice. Maybe I’m more in love with the fantasy of love than actually working hard for something. Can’t keep running away every time something gets too involved or difficult for me to handle but that question that has remained for as long as I can remember is :

“Do I really want to work this hard for something I’m not sure I’m ready for / want?”

In a sense I can be perceived as lazy in relationships. I’ve never had to work that hard at anything in life, most things come natural. When I do get involved I give of myself a lot but I also feel I could give more at the end of the day. There is always someone who likes me and I can’t stand them but I keep them around so I won’t feel so alone. It all boils down to my philophobia: fear of love and fear of lonely. I want to love with all my heart and nothing is holding me back yet I can’t give my heart freely to another person. I know all the right words to say and how to be supportive and act like a girlfriend should but at the end of the day I cannot decide if I really want to be someone’s girlfriend or continue to play that role. 95% of me says take the plunge and when you feel it’s right, but I have no idea when it’s right. When I think some things right it’s usually wrong. I think I’ve already found the right guy but wasn’t ready for what he needed to give me. I’m on a quest for happiness now that I’ve realized what I actually want in life: I want to fall madly, hopelessly in love with someone who feels the same about me. Someone who can teach me and I can teach, someone to take off my cool and see me as I with him. (: I’ve been hurt and I lobe hard well I like hard lol never been in love but today I realized I want it. I guess I’m growing up and I have to be patient. Dying my bangs purple is kind of a rebirth of my romantic side. Just tired of running from something I obviously need and want. Fearless in love isn’t me just yet but time only changes the weather, so I’ll be there when the time comes. (:

_orange fever (:

divorce

an illegitimate child trying to voice her thoughts

finally got married, took vows: stick it out at all cost

well i guess you lied like as if she was your other wives

accept the break up ?sure why not

since i am an illegitimate child breaking up is the only thing I've got -

to look forward to that is.

you have 5 kids and two now make it three ex- wives

do you promise to still be my daddy when this is over or will you drop me like you did the others

pay your fee and move on to the next number

wife number 4.

maternal don't look so blameless

if the walls could talk there would be infinite echos of your voice screaming profanities

and what left is me and my younger crying out for a bond that last beyond your wants and needs

WHAT ABOUT WE!

don't we have a say in who get whats and who we see.

no i forgot we're not 18 so we have no voice

no choice in the matter of she and he

all i have is this poem

this cry for help

hopefully this computer screen can transcend what I've always wanted to be.

loved. wanted. and seen.

not heard but felt

now love and its concept is battered for me

every man who enters my life will have to be better than my fraternal

its a shame I'm so cold and sleepless nights are inevitable

I've become introverted and becoming nocturnal

who am i the illegitimate child to turn to

to young to be liberated but to old to hush

i just want to SCREAM

HEY YOU, DO NT TAKE AWAY MY DREAM !

this is NOT what a family is to do.

but silent cries go unheard

closed moth doesn't get fed

prisoner of verbs, words, and pleas

no one hears my pain because its hidden

until those divorce papers are signed

i will be in denial pushing things like this in a case labeled "Fragile- to be filed" - later

so get your divorce your both dying to receive

maybe one day you'll realized the moment you signed you lost me.