its funny how you picture things to come and they stay with you. I always see myself graduating from serra and in the stands as i walk across the stage I see my mom, my sisters and my cousins but never my dad. this wknd how taught me why: my dad has cancer of the plasma cells and is currently experienceing kidney failure among other things. to the point: he's dying. i dont mean to say it so blunt but thats the only way i can rationalize it in my head. dont get me wrong i love him but i never see him as im envision the future, now i see that he won't be there and thats why i dont see him. his illness inspires me to get a tattoo i always wanted but now i see it's mandatory. my dad and i dont have the greatest realtionship, but he's still my dad, my hero, the main dude in my life: always and forever. in some weird way i feel that his death will bring us (him and i) closer. i've matured alot over the past 3 wks since his stay in the hospital. now im like my mom's right hand and my younger sister's protector. the only thing that will change is my view of guys and the standard i uphold. the only two songs i keep playing are: roses- kanye west and coldest winter- kanye west. i guess its different when you loose a parent. im just glad we made peace before he's gone and i just hope i make him proud.
