today i received word that christian s. died. it hit me probably harder that most people. i wasn't close to him, don't remember meeting or even seeing him around school. the only thing i knew was he had cancer just like me. now i am the only person at my school fighting cancer: Olivia died, christian died now everyone is looking for me to die.what hope do i have, i am officially lone in this struggle. i don't know anyone fighting cancer at my age and i don't know how much more i can take. i know its not my time and my cancer is curable it still messes with me. i keep thinking of death like what my funeral will be like, people pretending they miss me. no one understands and i don't blame them for not understanding if i wasn't me i probably wouldn't understand or even care to understand. dad cancer came back and my lust for life is gone. everything to mi is sooo routine. i used to dream and now I'm stuck in this rut and I'm super bummed out. i don't even want to write anymore i just wanna finish my hmwrk shower and sleep. nothing makes mi happy anymore: not school, not friends, not church, not niggas, not money, nothing. stress is building up and i swear its like death is calling me.....
